Happiness is a warm johnnie (sorry John)

So, I got off to a good start Sunday night, at least I think so since the visitor counts were pretty astonishing for a single post to a new blog. (There were 50 or so intrepid readers, beyond those whose domains I could easily identify).

I think it’s pretty darn cool that even with the explosion of the blogosphere a new blog, even one put up primarily for venting, can get some attention.

But, it’s been two days since my last post, and I am now able to say why. I was in the hospital for a test. All’s well, fortunately, but the “preparation” for this test is worse than the test itself. Sunday night I amused myself by setting up this blog. But Monday and Tuesday, I just felt too sick to do anything with it.

In fact, it wasn’t until this afternoon (Wednesday), that I felt like my former self. And that feeling – of being back-  in and of itself made my day. My wife, my kids, even the wackos at Honda who won’t fix a clear warranty issue were beautiful to me today. So, happiness really is a warm johnnie.

But…back to the main theme: how I left the bits uptown. (C’mon, surely some of you get it by now…it’s as clear as White)
When you get to this point (does it have a name? Middle age? Wisdom Reversion to adolescence?) you can feel stuck. Stuck big time. Family, bills, obligations…choices you made inadvertently decades ago that seemed so innocuous are now opening that johnnie to the ice cold wind of failure.

In short, you tend to keep doing what you were no matter what. Even if the world is telling you that you suck at it. “It’s all I know.” “It’s part of me.”

Since this is a G-rated blog, all I can say is “hooey.”

I’ve already begun a new (really, ancillary) career. This time, it’s something that I will be integral to. And that’s the most important thing: if you aren’t integral, you’re disposable.And you can be disposed of by any other integral because, simply, you aren’t.

I’m not whining about job security. Instead, in the kind of work I do — used to do — commitment wasn’t enough. You have to cater to the whims and egos of integrals. Bottom line, I really suck at that.
Mea culpa.